growing up.

I've done it. I've grown up. Job. Good grades. Maybe even that damn internship. Make some connections in a field which I love and drink in like nectar. Enjoy life. Life, which I wonder if I've been living for the past 19 years. No longer an underachiever, a beautiful flower, I'm just like everyone else. There's a chance that this is what I've been craving all along. To be sure, I want happiness in simplicity and normality. Oh, I'll always be a little off. I am me. But, this is me. This is me growing up.

Hi.

Disappointment comes in many forms. But, it's the disappointment of wait that gets me. Yes, I am an impatient person, but I can handle that. I can keep it inside and do what I need to concerning. But, waiting for an answer that you can't provide, that is what's painful. If I want to arrive at a show hours early or watch as my food cooks, that's fine. It's odd, but fine.

I dislike this lack of control. I don't like power. I will never be a leader and I never want to be. It's the reason I don't do drugs or get drunk. If I lose control over myself... that's fear. So, this waiting. The waiting to find out your grades. The waiting to find out if you got the job. All of these types of waiting is filled with a complete lack of control. And, what's worse... I don't know when I'll get this information. I don't know when my grades will definetely go up, but at least I know I did fairly well... so far. I really don't know about the job. I don't know when I'll find out. I don't know if I got it.

This is life. Stress. Pain. Happiness. It's how we deal with these situations that define who we are. I don't know who I am, though.